My Life in Seven Chapters, Latest Draft
The chapters of my life,
written invisibly on my brain,
are not like facts,
out there in the world...
more like old poems,
scribbled on mouldering neurons,
deliquescing to plaques and tangles
day by day.
The chapters start
not with the northwoods summers
of my family's love
or memories of childhood friends,
but with Bullying from Ken Burns,
at Tappan Junior High;
learning my self-esteem
was seriously misguided,
and studying the fine and self-defensive art
of excepting myself
by judging others.
Chapter Two is Becoming --
Darwinist, scientist, hiker, lover.
The third chapter divorces all this.
In the fourth I become
an "elderly primagravida,"
not so busy as to miss
the greatest fact,
the only real marvel
of my life.
Had I not endured labor and
disproved my fear that breathing air
might somehow shatter
this precious new life,
I would never believe myself capable
of such a miracle.
Chapter Five is New Love and Laughter,
followed shortly by loss so deep
even my stone-deaf body could feel it.
Chapter Six, Immigration:
seeing a new homeland through fresh eyes.
Which brings me to Chapter Seven,
Not Making Sense of the Past.
so I might at last be
here, in my own life.